There is a part inside many of us often hidden beneath smiles, niceties, and self-sacrifice that quietly whispers, “If I do everything right, maybe then I’ll be loved. Maybe then I’ll be chosen.”
That part is the People Pleaser.
On the surface, it can look like kindness, generosity, or being “the reliable one.” But beneath it often lies a deep-rooted fear: the fear of rejection, abandonment, or not being enough.
So we bend. We shape-shift. We keep the peace, avoid confrontation, and overextend ourselves. We stay quiet when something hurts, and we put everyone else first not because we don’t matter, but because we were never taught that we do.
This becomes a loop.
We perform to be chosen. We give to feel worthy. We abandon ourselves to avoid being abandoned by others. And in doing so, we stay stuck — stuck in relationships that drain us, stuck in careers that don’t fulfill us, and stuck in a victim mentality that says, “They never see me. I always give so much and get so little back.”
But here’s the truth:
You don’t need to be chosen by anyone else to reclaim your power.
The real turning point comes when you choose yourself.
When you pause the pattern and say, “What do I need right now?”
When you set the boundary, even when your voice shakes.
When you validate your own feelings before begging others to do it.
When you stop running toward love and instead become the one who gives it to yourself unconditionally.
The journey of healing the People Pleaser isn’t about becoming cold or disconnected. It’s about becoming whole. It’s about honouring the parts of you that learned survival through service and gently teaching them that they no longer need to earn love.
You are already worthy.
You don’t need to be chosen.
You just need to choose you.
Want to dive deeper into this part of yourself?
Join me for a powerful free masterclass on Parts Work:
The People Pleaser: Understand, Heal, and Transform this Inner Pattern
Register here: https://calendly.com/antheaspark/parts-work-masterclass-the-people-pleaser
Let’s unravel the parts that keep you stuck and find the freedom to be all of who you are.
Anthea Spark
Soul-Centred Relationship & Intimacy Coach